The Scars You Don't See
by MandyShepard
Summary: Commander Shepard may have scars on her body that serve as visible records of the pain she's endured, but its the emotional scars of her childhood that affect her most. She's never spoken about the trauma of Mindoir to anyone before. Maybe this night, as she lies in bed with the man she loves, she can finally let go of the pain and guilt she carries.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Ok peeps this is the first chapter of my first ever fan fic. I've had it sat on my PC for almost a month now and been too scared to post it. Please be gentle with me. Advice welcome.

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Chapter One

_~Restless~_

It had only been two weeks since they brought the house, _their_ house... their home. For Kaidan it was the first permanent home he's had since before joining the Alliance at 22, for Shepard it had been longer. Her last home was torn from her at just 16 years of age, when Batarian slavers decimated the colony where she was born and raised. She'd never talked about that time in any detail, not to him, not to the shrinks who presided over her regular psyche evals, not to anyone. Kaidan had seen her file of course and watched the archive news vids, but that only gave him the bullet points. Slavers attacked Mindoir killing most of the colonists. All of Shepard's friends and family were killed in the attack. She fought back, somehow survived against all odds and was rescued by an Alliance patrol 2 days later.

That morning as he sat at the breakfast bar watching her attempt (all be it very unsuccessfully) to make them breakfast, he'd started to wonder if Mindoir was what was keeping her up at night.

The first week after they moved in together she had slept soundly, even her recurring nightmares about the boy she couldn't save when the Reapers attacked Earth and the visions from the Prothean beacon hadn't plagued her for months now.

He hadn't meant to snoop. When he woke up she was already in the shower, and if he had to guess she'd been up for quite some time, judging by the lack of warmth from her sheets on her side. He grudgingly climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen to get himself a much needed coffee. While he waited for the pot to fill he figured he might as well check his messages, so he pulled up a chair at the kitchen table. She'd left her mail program open on the terminal they we're sharing until they got their shared office set up. His finger was just hovering over the 'Log Out' button when a message title dated four days ago caught his eye, 'Mindoir'. He stared at the title, until that moment he hadn't even thought that it might have been Mindoir weighing on her mind. It was to long ago surely. He believed she'd laid those demons to rest as best she could a long time ago. It had to be about 17 or 18 years since the raid. He sat at the terminal clenching and unclenching his fists, debating opening it. It would be wrong to access her personal messages, he really shouldn't do it. But this might be the answer, once he knew what was up he could help. He glanced at the ceiling as if he could see her in the bathroom above. The water was still running and she'd have to towel dry at the least before she made her way down to him. He could open the message, skim it and log her off in that time. He racked his hand through his hair, running it right down to the base of his neck where he worked the tense muscles with his battle calloused fingers. He brought his attention back to the terminal, sighed deeply and clicked 'read'.

**TO :** Shepard, Amanda:CMDAllianceNavyHQ

**FROM :** Knight, Kelly:SSS

**SUBJECT :** Mindoir

Commander Shepard

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you once again for your support of our charity over the years. We are hugely grateful for your continued generous donations. Thanks to you, we can continue to help slaver siege survivors like yourself, deal with their feelings of grief, loss and guilt over surviving.

As I'm sure you're aware, this year will see the 18 year anniversary of the Slaver raid on Mindoir. We at Slaver Siege Survivors (SSS) are planning to commemorate the day with a number of tasteful events and fund raising activities, culminating in the unveiling of a memorial wall listing those who sadly lost their lives during the attack.

I know this will be a difficult time for you and you must be extremely busy with your military commitments following the war, but we would be extremely grateful if (time permitting) you would attend the ceremony as a guest of honour and say a few words at the unveiling ceremony. Someone well known like yourself could really help us raise public awareness of the work we do, enabling us to help more people put the pieces of their lives back together.

I'd be more than happy to meet with you somewhere convenient to discuss this in greater detail. Any support you can give would be gratefully appreciated.

Kind Regards

_Kelly Knight_

Founder

Slaver Siege Survivors (SSS)

As soon as he'd read the message he felt immensely guilty for invading her privacy. With a shake of his head he logged her off immediately.

Now as he sat there watching the bacon become charcoal and hearing a steady string of obscenities fly out of Shepards mouth, the message played on his mind. The more he thought about it the more he felt sure that this was what was troubling her. The date stamp read four days ago, that's when he had started waking up to an empty bed in the middle of the night. She'd always have an excuse of course, 'I got cramp', 'I needed a drink', 'I had to use the head' and so on, but he knew her well enough to know she was lying and well enough not to push. Now it seemed he'd stumbled onto the answer.

That night they lay there together, bodies entwined. Her breathing slow, deep and even as she slept peacefully in his arms. He smiled as his eyes took in every aspect of her lean body, beautifully lit by the soft moonlight pouring through their bedroom window. Right then he didn't much care that they hadn't yet gotten around to putting up blinds, in fact looking at her now bathed in the soft light, he was quite grateful for it. Her short hair was sweeping gently across her face. Her arms, so delicate in appearance yet –as he had witnessed on many an occasion – capable of untold violence and destruction, rested gently against his firm sculpted stomach, her open palms pressed above his heart. His hungry gaze followed the outline of her body, past the scar under her ribs that marked the near fatal wound inflicted by Harbinger over a year ago in the fight for Earth. His eyes continued down to her hips and her long toned legs that were currently wrapped around his. He reached down to her knee and ran his rough hand up the length of her toned thigh, letting his fingers ghost a faded 6 inch scar and come to rest on her pert backside. He chuckled to himself as he remembered their first trip to the Citadel, after the mission on Eden Prime. It was the first time he had been on her six and not in a combat situation with gunfire raining down on him, the first time he had finally had an opportunity to notice 'the view'. He had been transfixed as she had jogged up the steps to the Presidium, her Onyx armour hugging and supporting in all the right places. He only managed to wrench his eyes away from the perfect curve of her backside when Ash cleared her throat dramatically at his side. He'd thrown a glance her way and violently flushed at the playful smirk plastered across her face. She tossed a knowing nod towards the Commanders back, her brows raised.

He spent the rest of the day trying to avoid checking the Commander out, but his libido had different ideas and he found his gaze drifting to her time and time again. He never dreamed back then that Shepard would be with him like this, fabulously naked in his arms and pressed up against him. His heart seemed to swell at the thought that she was his and his alone. He instinctively pulled her closer to him, wanting to breathe her in. She hummed happily and without waking, snaked her hand under his arm and pulled him in tighter in response. Satisfied that she was content and not likely to be disturbed by whatever was distressing her, he closed his eyes and let himself give in to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_**~Nightmare~**_

A Soft hand shoved hard into his throat and he awoke with a start, the blue static hum of biotic energy automatically dancing up his muscular arms in his defence. Confusion wrinkled his brow as he continued to defend himself against the attack being launched at him by the woman who, a few short hours ago had lovingly hung on to him as she slept. At first he couldn't fathom what he could possibly have done to incite this kind of rage from the woman he loved whilst sleeping. Then he noticed that her eyes were slammed shut and her body, that he had been drinking in before sleep overcame him, was now slick with sweat and glistening in the moonlight. Her hair was matted to her face and her cheeks flushed. She was dreaming, no, no this was beyond a dream, this was some kind of night terror.

He hadn't realised that he had let his defences drop, as the realisation that she was attacking him in her sleep dawned on him, until his head snapped back under a sudden heavy weight. For a split second the edges of the world seemed to fold inwards and everything grew dark. There was a sharp pain in his mouth followed by the unmistakable metallic taste of blood, as his inner lip was punctured by his teeth. Like a stone dropped into a pool the pain seemed to ripple outwards from the point where her fist had connected. He shook his head in an effort to bring the world back into focus. She was still lashing out at him, her biotics filling the room with a bright blue glow, a look of anguish colouring her face, the face he knew better than any other. That pained look was enough to snap him into action. His hands flew to hers and drove them into the mattress between them. Her wrists were so small compared to the size of his hands, that he was able to reposition and pin them both with one as the other moved to cradle her cheek, wet with sweat and free-flowing tears.

"Mandy" he leaned in and called her name in little more than a whisper as his thumb stroked her temple in small calming circles. Her breath was coming in sharp rasping gasps, her hands fighting to be free of his grasp. It was all he could do to hold on to them.

"Mandy" his voice louder and more insistent "Baby you're dreaming. Come back to me."

She let out a deep shuddering breath and her hands began to unclench, but the anguished expression remained constant.

"Baby wake up."

Her whole body started as her eyes flew open and a pained helpless whimper escaped her lips before she had time to snap them shut. The sound tore at his heart as it seemed so out of place coming from the strong composed woman, who had led every fleet in the galaxy into battle against the seemingly insurmountable Reaper invasion. He instantly released his grip on her wrists and made a move to bring her into an embrace but he was too late, she was off the bed and stumbling towards the adjoining bathroom.

"Mandy?" he called her again this time loaded with concern.

As she neared the door she stumbled but managed to regain her balance by feverishly grabbing the door frame, just before she would have hit the deck. He was off the bed in one fluid movement rushing to her side as she made a final desperate lunge for the toilet before being violently sick.

Her back arched and her whole body trembled as it desperately tried to expel the painful emotions that were raging within, her by any means necessary. A warm supportive hand was gently placed on her bicep while the other stroked her upper back as she fought to regain her composure. The feel of him at her back was, as usual, enough to calm her down and reassure her that she was safe. She finally let out a sigh as the heaving drew to a close. She felt warm breath blow across her shoulder as he brushed his lips against her skin in a feather like kiss. Reaching across she gently patted the hand on her arm, wanting to give him some reassurance that she was ok, but not composed enough yet to vocalise it. He grabbed a facecloth and ran it briefly under the cool water from the tap as she slumped back against the door of the shower, gaining some sense of relief from the cold at her back. He slid down next to her and placed the damp cloth at the back of her neck his free hand instinctively coming to rest on her thigh. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back slightly into his hand, blowing out a deep breath.

"Kaidan I'm..." at that point she turned to look at him for the first time since waking up. Whatever she was about to say died on her lips as her eyes fell to his bloodied mouth, already starting to turn an angry purple. Her mouth dropped open and she gasped twisting round to fully face him, her hands darting to his cheeks so she could reposition his face for a closer inspection.

"Oh my god, Kaidan!" she swallowed hard "did I do that to you?" His hands held hers as he pulled his face away from her mortified scrutiny.

"Its ok, don't worry about it." He cradled her hands to his chest. The look of concerned assessment on his face as he studied her only added to her feeling of guilt.

"The hell it is! I'm so sorry honey." She pulled her hands free and reached for his face again, but again he pulled back, not wanting her to torture herself over something she'd had no control over.

"Seriously baby, it wasn't your fault ...I've had worse. Anyway I'm more concerned about you. What just happened?" She stiffened slightly and he felt the familiar twinge of disappointment he got when she avoided opening up to him about something.

Working past her emotional armour was a difficult task but he had gotten further past her defences than anyone else had, further than he knew she was comfortable with at times. He knew her better than she knew herself, but there was always this little box that she ferociously guarded, held under lock and key in her heart. Most people didn't even know it existed, they were kept at a comfortable distance away from that dark corner where it resided. He however had worked his way in, slowly and gently, slipping under her radar until it was too late for her to rally her defence, her heart was his, just as his was hers.

She reached down to his hand which had fallen from her neck, took the wet cloth from his grip and pressed it gently to his mouth, frowning as he involuntarily winced at the contact.

"Come here." She stood up and pulled him to his feet, leading him to the sink. She rifled through the small moving crate labelled 'bathroom' for a few moments.

"We really should finish unpacking you know. Might make it easier to find things." He simply smiled in response, not wanting to engage her in a different topic, he knew a subject dodge when he saw one. "Of course that would mean we would have to stop christening our house and I'm not sure that's a price I'm willing to pay." She gave him her best cheeky grin and bit her lower lip, knowing full well that it usually drove him crazy. He gave another smile but this one didn't reach his eyes. He turned slightly so he could lean back against the sink counter, crossing his tanned solid arms across his Adonis like chest and looking down at his feet.

_He's upset_, she thought to herself as she resumed her rummaging. _He always struggles to make eye contact when he's upset, hurt or disappointed_. Right now, she guessed he was all three. She could see he was concerned about her, that he wanted her to let him in and comfort her. She knew he hadn't brought any of her excuses for leaving their bed in the middle of the night, she could see it in his warm hazel eyes.

After much fumbling she finally found the first aid kit and retrieved a medi-gel tab. Tearing the tab with her teeth she stepped in front of Kaidan who was now looking totally dejected. She squeezed the contents of the tab onto her finger and gently applied it to the outside of his swollen lip. Once that was covered and already beginning to look less angry, she applied the remainder of the tab to her fingertip, slipped it inside his mouth and began smoothing the cool gel on the ripped skin of his inner lip. As she concentrated intently on tending to his wound he raised his eyes to her face. He scrutinised her beautiful pale blue eyes so intently it was as if he were trying to reach into her mind and soul, and draw out what he wanted from her. He knew she loved him, there was no doubt in his mind about that. It had taken her a long time to finally get the three scary little words out, but once she had it was like the flood gates had opened and she repeated them time and time again. There wasn't a day that passed that he didn't hear or see just how complete her love for him was. What he wanted was for her to finally completely open up. To not be afraid to show her vulnerability. To once and for all drop the 'Heroic Commander Shepard' mask she wore for everyone else, and occasionally hid from him behind. She only showed him the vulnerability she wanted him to see, he just wanted her to be comfortable enough with him to let him see her, warts and all. He sighed inwardly as he watched her, he knew he wasn't going to breakthrough her last defences tonight, the barriers had flickered but they were back in place.

She paused to inspect her work, then met his intense gaze as she stepped forward pressing her body against his and planting a soft kiss on his jaw. He instinctually inhaled deeply, nuzzling into her silky hair. Unfolding his arms, he lightly stroked across her hips to the small of her back where his fingers began a delicate sensual tickle, aware how sensitive to his touch she was there. He felt empowered as her breath caught and she arched her back. He kissed the top of her head, took her by the hand and led her back to bed.

He laid down beside her on his back, raising his arm so she could snuggle in beside him, which she did gladly. He folded his arms tightly around her, stroking absent-mindedly across the small scar on her forearm, as he staring out the window at the moonlight dancing across the clear water of English Bay. If he had been looking at her face he would have seen the look of turmoil that played across her features.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_**~Mindoir~**_

She was angry with herself. She loved this man so completely, trusted him with her life, was willing to die to protect him. Hell, after the crucible had fired and she lay there in the wreckage of the Citadel, with her life draining out of her, her body so broken she could barely catch a breath, he was what she focused on. When he took her broken body into his arm and sobbed as she eventually began to slip away, she felt at peace, her only regrets were not having more time with him and causing him pain by leaving him again. Why was it so hard to talk to him about this? She liked the idea of him being the only one to know everything about her but she was scared of seeming weak. She'd spent the last 18 years not thinking about that day, keeping it buried. She'd become a loner, not wanting to get close to anyone. If you don't get attached you don't get hurt when you lose people. She closed her eyes as she remembered Kaidan's lifeless body on Mars and she knew it was too late, her attachment to this man was so deep and binding that she'd be irreparably broken if she lost him. She swallowed hard and licked her lips, making sure that he couldn't see her face lest she lose her nerve.

"There was a little stream in a narrow valley that snaked through the woods on the edge of our farm."

He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he started when she began talking.

"It was my special place." She sighed deeply "It was beautiful. The trees were dense and constantly covered in blossom. They smelled amazing, like cinnamon and vanilla. The ground was mostly moss so it had a soft spongy feel to it. The bank was covered with wild flowers and there was a large patch of Astrum Blossoms under one of the trees. They're my favourite flower, they only grow on Mindoir. Astrum is Latin for star or heaven, they're called that because if the temperature is just right as the sun sets, they open fully and they sparkle like stars in the night sky. Something to do with bioluminescence I think. I used to go to the stream all the time with Klarke, he was my best friend when I was a kid. He was Earthborn and moved to Mindoir when I was 7. His parents brought the next farming grid over from ours. He had this thing for climbing trees. I was a total girly girl back then, you'd never see me in trousers, I was always in dresses and it used to drive him mad because he wanted me to climb with him, but I wouldn't so I always ended up sitting by the stream shouting up at him as he hopped from branch to branch."

Kaidan smiled at the thought of Shepard as a prim little girl and squeezed her shoulder gently in encouragement, not wanting to say anything in case he disrupted her sudden openness.

"I swear that place was magical! It was where I decided I was going to be a musician when I grew up. Where I wrote my first song. Where I realised that Klarke was actually pretty good looking as boys went. We had our first kiss stood in the middle of the Astrums, hell it's even where we lost our virginity together." She paused drawing in a ragged breath and he could feel her body stiffen in his arms. "It's uhhhh... also where we were... the day the Batarians came."

She was quiet for a few moments as she fought to get her breathing back under control. Kaidan held her patiently, running his fingers through the hair cropped at the base of her neck. Shepard sighed and reluctantly let herself fall into her memories.

_It was a warm and sunny Sunday down by the stream. The ground was painted in a dappled light that found its way through the dense tree blossoms. Fine pollen and dander floated in the air, heightening the magical appearance of the small secluded area. _

_Klarke Coulson lay stretched out on his stomach with his head buried in a rather substantial school book, a look of bemused confusion playing across his Native American features. He is a handsome young man, tall but not lanky, well toned from years of playing astroball for the school team. His dark thick hair is soft and cropped short with a slight flick at the front. His innocent, open smile lights up a room and is wonderfully infectious, but his best feature is his eyes. Big, warm, friendly eyes, so rich and dark they are almost black. He sighs and drops his head into the intimidating textbook letting out an exaggerated groan._

_Shepard glances over at him, lying on her back at his side. Her hands knitted behind her head, buried in her thick long brown hair, as she gives him a smug smile. She drapes a long slender leg over his and snakes her arm around his bicep, leaning over to plant a delicate kiss on his shoulder._

"_You should have started it when I did, then we could be doing something much more fun right now" she mumbled into his arm, following it up with another kiss before leaning back on her elbows._

_They both had a big assignment due on Monday and as per usual, the ever diligent Shepard had already finished several days earlier but typically, Klarke hadn't even started yet._

"_You know what Tehila? One as beautiful as you really shouldn't gloat." He retorted calling her by her pet name in his native tongue. He leant over her, attempting to hide his smile behind a scowl but failing miserably and deciding to kiss her instead. She grinned at him as he pulled back and returned his focus to his assignment. _

_Brining up her arm and activating her omni-tool she scrolled through her extensive music collection. Music was her passion, she lived and breathed it. Back then, before the scars of the raid, an Alliance career had never crossed her mind, Shepard was hell bent on being a musician. Her father had encouraged all his children to learn an instrument, but Shepard was the only one who had stuck at it. She'd begun learning the piano at 5 and by 16 she was extremely accomplished on the instrument and, as it turned out, she had also had a breathtakingly beautiful singing voice. At such a young age she was already making money of the back of her talents, singing at events at school and in and around the colony. Only a few days before, she had learned that she had be awarded a place at a very prestigious music school back on Earth in New York. In less than two years she would be leaving Mindoir, the only home she had ever known and heading back to the home of humanity. She was excited to see Earth, but at the same time, she loved Mindoir and its primeval rustic beauty. _

_Then there was Klarke, she couldn't bear the thought of leaving him behind. He was adamant that this wouldn't happen. He was applying to every school he could on Earth and had promised that if he didn't get in to any of them, he would get a job there, study over the extranet and they would live together in the student apartment she would be allocated. She grinned at the thought of them living together. It seemed so ridiculously grown up, scary and exciting all at the same time. _

_Selecting a classical piece that she was trying to perfect to surprise her father for his upcoming birthday, she inserted her ear buds, settled back down and closed her eyes letting herself be swept away by the rich piece of orchestral music._

_She jerked awake with a start, not realising that she had fallen asleep. The classical piece she had selected was still playing so she couldn't have slept long. She squinted against the sunlight confused, Klarke was shaking her awake and as he came into focus she noticed that all the colour had drained from his face and he bore a look of sheer panic. He was talking to her but she couldn't hear him over the music. She felt a cold icy dread pool in the pit of her stomach and immediately pulled out the ear buds and that's when she heard the gun fire and screams in the distance._

"_...ide over there!"_

"_What?" she breathed finally able to hear him._

"_I said something is very wrong, I'm going to try and get a look from the top of that tree. You go hide over there!" He gestured to the large hollow tree just inside the tree line where they stashed their blanket and drinks. "Don't come back out until I come get you, understand?" He cupped her face and kissed her forehead before pushing her in the direction of the tree. Feeling dazed and confused she ran to the tree and wriggled through the small opening, scratching her shoulder painfully on the rough bark. Once inside the small space, she sat and hugged her knees to her chest breathing heavily. She stayed that way for what seemed like hours but in reality it was under 10 minutes. _

_She glanced around her nervously and suddenly stilled, holding her breath as she heard heavy footsteps approaching the tree. _


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Massive thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed and favourited my story. You have all totally made my week. I grin like a fool every time I get the email notifications. Big Love!

Little bit of language in this one... but only a tiny bit.

_ Chapter Four

_**~The Yard~**_

_She was paralysed by fear. Her arms were wrapped around her knees as she tried to make herself as small as possible._

"_Mandy?"_

_The air she had been holding in her lungs came out in a huff as she recognised Klarke's voice. She crawled back out of the tree and stood in front of him. Her eyes widened as she saw his face was practically grey and he looked like he was going to be sick. That's when the panic truly set in. She was finding it hard to catch her breath and her mouth and throat were dry as a bone._

_Without a word Klarke took hold of her hand firmly and started dragging her further into the woods, his features set in a look of grim determination._

"_What's happening? What's wrong?"_

_He didn't answer her, just continued to drag her further away from the direction of home._

"_Klarke please" she pleaded pulling at his arm "What did you see? What's going on?"_

_She felt anger beginning to bubble up inside her. She was scared and didn't like being kept in the dark but he resolutely continued to distance them from whatever was happening._

"_Klarke answer me!" she shouted._

"_Keep your voice down." He hissed turning his head to face her. _

_That was it, she had had enough. She dug her heals in and yanked her arm out of his grip using all the strength she could muster. He reached for her, trying to grasp her arm again and she deftly avoided his grip twice. He stepped forward and roughly grabber her shoulders, his long fingers digging into her soft skin. He lent forward, his nose only a few inches from hers. _

"_We have to hide, please. Just trust me." His eyes pleaded with her but the feeling of dread was creeping up on her, she had to know what was happening._

"_I'm not moving from this spot until you tell me what you saw." She crossed her arms defiantly across her chest and shifted her weight onto her right hip, a move her father used to call her 'stubborn, take no prisoners stance'. Klarke scanned her eyes intently, looking for some chink, a way to get her moving without telling her what he saw, but found nothing._

"_I saw unusual ships above the colony. They were firing weapons at people, they can't have been more than 15 feet above the ground. There was thick black smoke billowing from the direction of the Main Street." He looked at his feet and back up to her, there was so much sorrow in his eyes when they met hers that she felt her stomach drop. "There was a ship, it was hovering above the field next to your house" he paused and swallowed hard "There were people jumping out, I think they were Batarians. They had guns."_

_The panic crashed over her like a tidal wave, the feeling was immense, it felt like someone had punched her in the gut and knocked all the wind out of her. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Not here. Not her colony. Not her home. Not her __**family**__. She let out a strangled whimper, spun around and took off in the direction of home at full speed. _

"_Mandy!" Klarke was hot on her heels pleading with her to stop. "Mandy please, I have to get you out of here!" He wanted nothing more than to protect her, she knew that, but there was no way she could leave her family behind in danger. _

_Shepard ran track in school so she was fast even back then, a lot faster than Klarke so he soon fell behind. She ran so hard it felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest, her legs burned with the effort and she struggled to draw in enough breath to keep up the punishing pace. She had no idea what she was going to do when she got there, she'd never even been in a fight before. _

_16 year old Shepard believed that all problems could be solved by a keen mind and a decent use of vocabulary. For her, violence was never the answer and she condemned anyone who used their fists to resolve issues. In fact she flat out refused to believe that the use of fists ever solved anything... it just created more problems. _

_34 year old Shepard however, believed that any problem could be fixed by a fist, a boot, a HMWA Master Assault Rifle or all of the above, depending on the situation. But she wasn't that Shepard yet. She only possessed 34 year old Shepard's instinct to protect, but she had no idea how, she just knew she had to do something._

_By the time she got within sight of home, Klarke was at least a few minutes behind her. Her vision had become tunnelled as she focused on her destination, a trick she'd learned from her track coach. She was running flat out as she rounded the corner of the prefab outbuilding at the rear of their modest colony home, so she didn't see the Batarians there until it was too late. Her eyes flew open wide in panic and she tried to stop herself but her momentum carried her forward. She collided with the closest one at break neck speed, sending them both tumbling to the floor. They skidded across the dirt path that led to the house, kicking up a shower of grit and dust. Her head crashed into the Batarians armour resulting in an audible crack. Everything went black and muffled, she felt her stomach churn, threatening to empty itself as the world seemed to tip on its axis. Her hands flew to her head and cradled her rattled brain as she blinked blankly up at the sky feeling dazed and groggy. The sensation momentarily numbed her to her surroundings and the extreme danger of her current situation. The world had fallen away and all that remained was the blindingly sharp pain lancing through her head with such intensity that tears sprung unbidden to her eyes. She dimly heard the pounding of boots approaching her and turned her head just as a vicious kick was delivered to her ribs. She was sent spinning onto her chest and all her breath was driven from her body. She opened her mouth to take a gulp of air but for several seconds her lungs refused to co-operate. _

_Everything suddenly happened so fast she was hardly able to keep up, she finally regained her breath, gulping desperately but had no time to relish the feeling, as she suddenly felt a heavy weight driving her lower back into the ground with immense force. Her right hand was yanked down and pinned against her side and her left hand was vigorously snatched from her head and twisted up behind her back with enough power to dislocate her shoulder with a sickening pop. The pain shot through her left side like white hot lightening, setting every nerve and vein on fire. She screamed into the dirt, pinned helplessly. _

"_SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU FILTHY SAPIEN BITCH OR WE'LL SLIT YOU OPEN AND WATCH YOU INSIDES SPILL OUT!" The Batarian spat out with pure hatred as he stooped down behind her. Grabbing a hand full of hair at the base of her neck, pulled her head back painfully and slammed her face into the floor. __

Kaidan flinched and blew out a sharp breath, a deep frown creasing his brow at the thought of her being handled in such a manner. Her hand which had been absent-mindedly drawing an endless figure of eight on his chest reached across and gave him a gentle squeeze which he returned in kind.

"I was terrified." She continued "I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what to do. Then the one I had knocked over got up, him and the one who held me down started arguing about whether they should kill me or take me. They decided they could get a good price for me, so the second one held my head between his knees and they started to fit me with a control device." She paused "Do you know anything about slaver control devices?" she asked hesitantly.

He was silent for a moment "I've heard a little" his voice came out as a husky whisper. "From what I understand the person being fitted is given anaesthetic, a small incision is made at the base of the skull and a neural inhibitor unit is attached to the brain stem. The device emits some kind of high-frequency signal that disrupts the necessary brain waves rendering the wearer docile and compliant."

She nodded "That's pretty much it, just one thing that's not quite right... they don't tend to bother to anaesthetise." She reached up to the back of her head and pressed her fingers to a spot just under her hairline "Before the Lazarus Project there used to be a two inch scar here."

"Baby..." he began, his voice loaded with empathy and sadness but he was unable to find the words.

"The pain was excruciating" she continued, her hand returning to his chest "When they started to push the device through the incision, I was startled when I heard this sickening animalistic sound, a horrible, guttural wail. It was so loud and intense it felt like it was going to rip my chest open. I wondered for a second what poor creature was making that terrible noise... then I realised... it was me."

_There was a deep throaty laugh behind her, the Batarian holding her down was clearly enjoying seeing her writhing and screaming in pain. She could feel the blood trickling around to the front of her throat and hear the steady drip as it hit the floor, pooling in the dirt. She could do nothing about it._

"_Give me that knife Vrillik. I wanna make her scream like that again!" _

_Vrillik smirked and made to hand the knife across before withdrawing it briefly to issue a warning in a deep aggressive tone. _

"_Don't cut her up too bad Granor or nobody will pay for her and Tolvah will have your hide!" _

_Granor took the knife with a curt nod and proceeded to drag the razor sharp edge across her shoulder blade, cutting straight down to the bone. His reward was another piercing scream._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_**~Biotics~**_

_K__larke was racing across the back field of The Shepards farm when he heard the screams. Sheer panic erupted in him, his heart clenched and driven by that feeling, he increased his pace. _

_The not knowing was what was hard. His mind raced, torturing him by throwing up all manner of different scenarios of what he might find ahead. It might not be that bad, he tried to reassure himself. But that scream... that _**scream**_. He had no idea a person could make that kind of sound, no idea _**she**_ could make that kind of sound. When he finally reached the house and saw her, he paused for a moment in disbelief. Shepard was pinned to the floor face down by two Batarians and there was blood all over her neck and the floor. One was sitting astride her hips using his weight to restrain her. The other was doing something to her neck but he couldn't see exactly what, all he knew was that her blood was all over his grimy hands. There was fresh blood snaking its way down her side from her shoulder blade. The Batarian straddling her was trailing the blood stained knife down her pinned arm as she struggled, her legs (the only thing not restrained) kicking uselessly behind him. He raised the knife to his mouth and slowly licked the blood off the length of the blade. _

_"Mmmmm, tastes sweet" he chuckled "if nothing else she'll make an excellent meal for the veran." Vrillik snatched the knife back out of Granors hands."HEY!"_

"_She wriggles too much when you cut her, just let me get this device in first then she's all yours."_

_An alien feeling flooded Klarkes system, one he'd never felt before in his short life. Pure unadulterated, murderous, rage._

_The Batarians were so preoccupied torturing her that they never saw him coming. He charged across the yard and threw himself with all his might on to Vrillik, sending him flying backwards, the knife skidding from his grip across the uneven ground. _

_Klarke's movements were fluid, graceful even. The pair were locked into a battle for supremacy, arms and legs flying. They were both looking for a weak spot, an advantage to exploit and it was Klarke who found one. As they tussled on the floor he managed to get one of Vrilik's arms pinned beneath him. Restraining his other in one hand he began savagely delivering blow after blow to his face. _

_Granor resolutely maintained his hold on Shepard until he realised that Klarke had somehow gained the upper hand in the fight, that he posed a more significant threat then he had first thought. He hesitated for a second then quickly stood up and began advancing on him from behind, leaving Shepard shuddering on the floor. _

_She rolled onto her side gingerly, wincing at the pain in her neck and shoulders. Her eyes were squeezed shut and a soft whimper escaped her lips. When she opened her eyes a few seconds later and saw Granor stooping down, the realisation struck her that he was about to attack Klarke. She scrambled to her feet, ignoring the protests from her body and made a desperate clumsy lunge for the Batarian, jumping on his back. Her good arm wrapping around his throat as tight as she could manage, determined to stop him by any means. _

_She saw a quick flash of silver then her cheek felt like it was on fire. She stared in confusion as blood started to dribble onto the Batarians back. She hadn't seen him palm the blood stained knife as he stooped. He'd flung his left arm over his right shoulder in a furious sweeping motion and the blade sliced deeply across her right cheek. She loosened her grip around his neck for just the briefest of seconds and he took full advantage of it. He shifted slightly to his side and drove his elbow into her solar plexus, following that with a jarring punch to her face that sent her spinning straight to the deck. Moments later she heard a loud thud in front of her. When she opened her eyes Klarke was lying next to her, his eyes so wide and afraid they were all she could focus on. A single tear crawled slowly down his cheek. He opened his mouth to speak and something warm and wet sprayed across Shepards mouth and neck. She jerked, her hand instinctively to her face to wipe it, thinking she'd been spat on by one of the Batarians. But when she moved her hand away it was covered in blood. She looked back at Klarke confused, until she noticed the blood pumping out of the long slit to his throat. _

_A cry burst from her like a bark and she began to sob, immobilized by panic and dread she lay there crying as the life drained out of him. Her sobs mingling with the chilling sound of laughter coming from the Batarians around them. _

_xxx_

"I will never... NEVER, forget the look in his eyes as the light inside him that made him who he was went out. I could see the very moment he slipped away, while I... I just lay there... doing NOTHING!" Her voice had elevated to a harsh guilt ridden growl, shaking her head clearly disgusted with herself. Blue sparks began to snake their way up her arms as she struggled to maintain control of her biotics.

"Baby it wasn't your fault, you have to remember you were 16 years old. Just a child, not the trained soldier you are now. You shouldn't blame yourself, he wouldn't want you to do that. If I was in his place, there's no way I would want you to feel any guilt about my death at another's hand." Kaidan tenderly kissed her forehead. The gentle feeling of his lips against her skin helped to calm her and the blue sparks gradually petered out.

"How did you manage to get away from them?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"After Klarke..." she paused a moment searching for the right words and in the end she gave up and skipped over the acknowledgement of his death. "Granor pushed me back onto my stomach and grabbed the control device again, trying to finish what they started."

_xxx_

_Everything was flat, the colour had drained from the world. She didn't smell the earth beneath her. She didn't hear the laughing behind her. She didn't even feel the pain in her neck as once more, they tried to rob her of her free will. She didn't know it at the time but her childhood ended right there in the blink of an eye. A little piece of her had died. The sweet, innocent, creative girl that was _**Mandy**_ Shepard was dying and the disciplined, distant, loner _**Commander**_ Shepard was what was to fill the gap in the years to come._

_Right now she just lay there looking at Klarke. It felt like all the fight had gone out of her, she simply didn't care anymore. _

_Vrillik was wiping the blood off his face with his sleeve, the vision in both his left eyes was blurry as they began to swell shut. He paced back and forth clearly becoming more and more enraged at what had happened. _

"_What's the matter? Ashamed that you let a Human child beat you to the floor?" Granor snorted._

_Vrillik snarled and stomped over to Klarke's lifeless blood soaked body and began to deliver kick after kick to his gut screaming with rage. He stepped forward and stamped down hard on his face. And just like that, the fog lifted from her. It felt like something snapped deep inside of her. She felt the wrath beginning to bubble in the pit of her stomach. Her whole body seemed to be alive and buzzing with unchecked ire and a desire to inflict pain like she'd never felt before. She was scared to death of that feeling, it was animal, base and powerful. Something seemed to ignite deep down within her and radiate out from her very core, spreading the length and breadth of her body. Her hands started to shake uncontrollably. Out of the corner of her eye she saw flashes and sparks and there was an intense stinging prickle -like pins and needles only stronger - rushing up her arms and then everything went blue and the air was filled with electricity and the smell of ozone and blood. _

_She opened her eyes and the blue haze slowly faded. She gasped and let out a whimper at the sight she was greeted with. The Batarians were not just dead, they had been shredded to pieces all across the yard, up the outbuilding and even in a nearby tree. She sat up and stared blankly around her trying to figure out what had happened, then it dawned on her. _

_Months back Klarke had read her an article off the extranet about Biotics. He'd been so excited by the prospect. Said it was like a comic book come to life and had even joked about taking an eezo shower so he could become SuperKlarke, until Shepard had pointed out that eezo exposures resulting in biotic abilities is typically in utero. That must have happened to her, did her mother even know? She'd never said anything about it, _**neither**_ of her parents had and they never gave her any sign that they were watching her, waiting for her to develop the ability. As she continued to stare at the carnage she was so conflicted. She didn't feel remorse that they were dead after what they had done but, she _**did** _feel unbelievable guilt that she had done that much damage to them. _

_xxx_

She drew in a sharp breath and huffed it out. Kaidan looked down at the woman in his arms and felt his gut wrench at the though of what that must have been like for her.

_xxx_

_She was still shaking, but due to shock not a biotic surge. She got shakily to her feet and tried to steady herself, adrenalin taking the edge of the pain. She looked down at her shaking hands and thought to herself that her dad was going to be so very disappointed in her. She was his princess, never got in trouble and ever the lady. _**Dad!**_ A fresh wave of panic crept over her at the thought of her father. She spun towards the house and on trembling legs, moved as fast as possible to the front porch. _


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN:**__ So we are over half way there and I wanted to say a big thanks again for all the reviews, favourites, follows and to everyone who takes the time to read it. :0)_

* * *

Chapter Six

_**~Hannah Shepard~**_

_She was anxiously looking over her shoulder and across the yard, so she didn't see her mum until she climbed up the steps and made for the front door. She was lying on the floor face down a few feet away by the porch swing her father had made when she was a child. Shepard froze mid step and gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. She ran towards her mother calling to her over and over like a mantra, but there was no answer, no movement. She dropped clumsily to her knees at her mothers side fresh tears already rolling down her blood stained cheeks. She tentatively reached over and placed an unsteady hand on her mothers shoulder and shook her gently._

"_Mum? Mum please wake up, PLEASE!" when there was no movement she pulled gently on her mothers shoulder wanting to roll her over onto her back. She was limp and heavy, Shepards shoulder protested loudly at the movements. When she finally managed to roll her onto her back, that's when she noticed the blood soaking the deck... so much blood. She swallowed hard and glanced up at her mother, her long auburn hair was covering most of her face. All she wanted to do was see if she was ok. To see her mothers face, to look into her caring, bright azure eyes, the eyes that Shepard had inherited from her as well as her high cheekbones and bee stung lips. She gently hooked a slender finger under the mass of hair and drew it to one side. _

_Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open in a silent scream. She quickly shuffled back away from her mother's body, her stomach lurched and she fell forward onto her hands and knees and she vomited abruptly._

_Hannah Shepard, the woman who had given birth to her, who loved her, hugged her fiercely when she had bad dreams, tended to numerous scraped knees and hurt feelings. The woman who raised her to use her mind and abhor violence, had taken a round to the head. The damage was so sever that most of her face was gone. There was nothing left, just pulp, blood and bone. Shepard would never again look at her beautiful mothers face, she would never hear her tinkling infectious laughter. Never again sit quietly with her and read or get beaten hands down by her at Skillian Five. She would never get home from school to find her baking. She let out an agonised wail and clung desperately to her stomach, hugging herself and rocking slowly._

_xxx_

Kaidan began to feel hot tears rolling onto his chest and he could feel her breath hitching. Without speaking he raised his hand from her back to cradle her head against him, wanting to create a barrier between her and all the bad things in the universe. She struggled to regain her composure as he held her, snaking his fingers through her cropped hair. Her voice cracked with raw emotion.

"My mum, she was **so** beautiful Kaidan. She gave the best hugs. She always knew what to do, what was right. Ohh she was funny, with a truly a wicked sense of humour. She was strict with us but for our own good, you know? You wouldn't want to piss her off, but she was so kind and caring too. Everyone in the colony loved her and she was always eager to help people with their problems without a moment's hesitation, not thought for herself."

"Mmmm sounds like someone I know." Kaidan whispered in his deep husky tone and kissed the top of her head. "You take after her." She raised her head and for the first time since climbing back into bed together, their eyes connected. Her blue eyes had taken on a slight green tint from her tears. He had never seen them like that before, never seen her cry, not even after losing Ash on Virmire. She'd been upset, he could see that plainly in her eyes so filled with grief and guilt. He was sure that, that night she had cried alone in her cabin, but she would never let anyone see it. Never show any weakness, always be the emotionally void Commander.

Tears clung to her long eyelashes as she gave him a pained smile.

"Thank you" her voice was loaded with gratitude and sincerity. Being compared to her mother was the highest of honours in her books. "I always looked up to her, wanted to live up to the example she set us. She was the kind of woman I wanted to be. Seeing her like that..."

_xxx_

_She couldn't bring herself to move, her sobs racked her entire body and her eyes kept flicking to her mothers lifeless blood-soaked form. She couldn't seem to calm her breath, her brain was spinning its wheels. Her heaving sobs were all that she heard. They drowned out the footfalls coming from behind her. _

_She was so alone in her bubble of grief that she was completely blindsided by the sharp pain ripping across her scalp. The world pitched and she found herself jerked harshly onto her back, her dislocated shoulder connecting heavily with the deck sending a fresh flare of pain through her. The slaver yanked her ruthlessly, away from her mother, across the porch and into the house. She screamed and clung to her hair futilely. It felt like her scalp was going to rip clean off. _

_The Batarian was enraged and he wanted her to know it. As he dragged her kicking and screaming, he proceeded to slam her against door frames along the way, revelling in her cries of pain and shock. One particularly vicious slam caught her heavily in the face with such blinding force her vision blurred and was peppered with white flashes. Her nose began to throb and gush with blood, running down into her mouth as she screamed causing her to cough and splutter. When he had dragged her into the living space of their home, she was unceremoniously throw across the room with great force, tumbling helplessly with the momentum until she connected with the far wall. Every part of her body was screaming in protest and her top was saturated in blood and dirt. The Batarian charged at her from across the room with murderous intent. _

"_LEAVE HER ALONE!" Shepard's head spun in the direction of the deep voice she knew so well._

"_DAD!" It was as much a plea as an acknowledgment. _

_Charles Shepard was on his knees in front of the sofa with his hands behind his head. There was a Batarian pacing behind him and one with his hand resting on a holstered pistol to the side. Next to Charles in the same position were her brother and sister, Ella and Bradley Shepard. Their complexions – usually sun blushed from so much time spent out side - were now pale and sallow, Bradley had a nasty bruise taking shape on his left cheek. _

_They stared back at her with panic stricken faces, terrified for the safety of their little sister lying battered and bloody in a foetal position across from them. They had always protected her, looked out for her. Thanks to Bradley, nobody had picked on her since she was 6. Not since a boy 3 years older had pushed her off a swing and kicked her. Bradley had seen this happen from across the park where he played astroball with his friends and charged at the boy, knocking him flying across the playground. Even at 12 Bradley was tall and strong for his age. He carried his little sister home in his arms as she sobbed and curled herself into a ball. That's the image that came to mind when he saw her now, he wanted to get her safely out of here, protect her as a big brother should._

"_She's just a child for god's sake! What could she have possibly done to you?" Charles shouted furiously at the Batarian who loomed above her. The Batarian grabbed Shepard and dragged her to her feet, holding her by her throat in front of him._

"_This bitch killed Granor and Vrillik! There's nothing left of them just a greasy stain." Tolvah narrowed his eyes as he slowly examined the young child being held up in front of him. She was wounded and looked weak, didn't appear to be any kind of threat. He walked over to the window facing the outbuilding and peered out. _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

_**~Flare~**_

_Tolvah stood at the widow, staring out at the scene in the yard. Sartak was certainly right, they were dead and there was very little left of his two subordinates. It was carnage, bits of them were scattered all over the place. Neither of them had been particularly gifted, in the brains department or with fighting skills, but this? He had never seen so much brutality in the aftermath of a fight. He turned his head to assess Shepard, eyes narrowing. There was no way that this small human, shaking and covered in her own blood could have possibly done that. She was slight and lacked muscle mass, her slender arms and legs looked weak. There was nowhere for her to conceal a weapon of a size and magnitude that would cause the massacre outside the window. _

_Shepard squirmed under his intense examination and felt the hand on her neck tighten sharply, she gasped in response, her hands reaching up to try and loosen the vice like grip._

_Tolvah turned and walked slowly back to resume his position behind her father. Deep in thought, his hand returning to the weapon at his side._

"_Are you sure she did that, Sartak? She doesn't look much to me, and she's unarmed." He growled in a deep and unemotional voice his eyes once again returning to scrutinise Shepard._

"_The little bitch is a biotic!" Sartak barked in response. _

_Tolvah straightened up and his jaw set as he stepped out from behind Charles. He walked silently over to Shepard and circled her as Sartak continued to hold her aloft. His eyes never left her and she didn't take her eyes of him. The way he moved around her with casual confidence felt like being stalked by a dangerous predator, you daren't avert your eyes lest it take that as its queue to bear its teeth and pounce. He came to rest back in front of her and cocked his head slightly to the side as his gaze drifted to Sartak, silently questioning his statement of fact._

_Sartak inclined his head slowly in a mark of respect, like a dog bowing before its alpha. _

"_I can feel her energy even now, it's raw but it's powerful. She's more than capable of that" He confirmed, gesturing outside with a thrust of his chin._

_Before Tolvah had a chance to respond, Charles interrupted their exchange. _

"_She's not a biotic!" he protested, struggling to get to his feet._

_Tolvah turned his attention to Charles and gave an exasperated nod to the Batarian still guarding the others. Without a moments hesitation, the Batarian struck him across the back of the head to silence him, sending him face first to the floor._

_Ella began to cry silently, her fear for her family becoming overwhelming. She's been stood with Hannah when the Batarians stormed the house and shot her without warning. Her mothers blood was still visible on her shirt and in her hair, a fiery auburn like her mothers. She couldn't stop replaying Hannah's final moments, over and over again. The almost deafening shot, the violent snapping back of her head, the spray of blood and the way her body fell limp to the floor. _

_She looked back to her little sister and their wide eyes met. She was consumed with memories, playing dolls with her as a child. Playing with her hair and teaching her how to plait it. Sneaking out on to the porch swing after their parents were asleep, curling up under a blanket and talking about boys. She'd listening as Shepard confided in her when her relationship with Klarke became physical. So many years of innocent happiness and joy and now it seemed like a dream, and this? This was a nightmare, one she couldn't seem to wake up from._

_As Ella wept Tolvah turned slowly and menacingly back towards Shepard, his eyes fixed her with a sneer of pure evil, they drifted slowly down her body, before resting on the weapon secured at his hip. He reached down and unholstered his battered Judgement VI pistol - the metal work and markings worn from excessive use – and with a well practiced move, casually disengaging the safety feature. He pointed the muzzle at the outside of Shepards thigh and slowly began to slide it up. His eyes locked on hers firmly, as he watched the building wave of panic and fear play across her gentle features. He revelled in the way her breath hitched and she swallowed convulsively. Sartak laughed at her discomfort and she could feel his warm clammy breath on her shoulder, his mouth was so close she could feel her skin tingling unpleasantly with every exhale._

"_Please... please don't hurt her. Please don't hurt my baby." Charles begged his voice cracking, his head hanging low, defeated, fresh blood trickling down the back of his neck._

_But the muzzle continued to work its way relentlessly up. It trailed slowly across her hip bone. Pressed painfully into the side of her stomach, jabbing her in her ribs hard enough that she knew it would bruise. It scraped up over the top of her shoulder. She felt the cold metal touch her neck and let out a gasp. It slid over her jaw, up her cheek and eventually came to rest on her temple, pressing so hard that her head was driven suddenly onto the opposite shoulder. She froze, not even daring to breathe, her eyes scrunched tight waiting for the resonant bang. The last sound she'd ever hear._

"_Show me!" he snarled._

"_Wha..what?" She stammered "I... don't know what you..."_

"_Show me your biotics, flare. Do it now!" his demand was accompanied but a further jab of the pistol and she whimpered._

"_I don't know how... it never happened before today. I don't know how to do it." Her voice broke and she began to cry. _

"_Well, it looks like your going to need a little incentive doesn't it?" He was so close to her she could smell his rancid breath. "I find pain tends to motivate well... Sartak?" He nodded at his subordinate with a small smirk which Sartak returned gladly. _

_Without warning he opened his mouth and bit down on her shoulder at the base of her neck. His long shark like teeth sinking easily into her soft skin deeply. There was a slight ripping sound as he punctured the muscle beneath the surface. The blood flow was instantaneous and significant. She let out a piercing scream and her knees buckled as the blood drained from her head, she was going to faint... everything dimmed momentarily._

"_NO!" she could hear her fathers voice but it seemed far away. _

_Charles started to get to his feet but found himself restrained by the Batarian behind him, who grabbed him round the throat and hissed threats into his ear as he struggled to catch his breath. Neither of them saw Bradley jump up and run across the room at Tolvah. _

_Bradley was usually a calm docile young man who had a real talent for all things technical. He worked freelance for people all over Mindoir and although he could afford his own place he still lived at home and helped out on the farm as much as possible. He was a fiercely loyal young man who rarely got into fights but when he did, they were usually in defence of someone he loved, like now. _

_As he charged across the room, his light blue eyes usually so warm and gentle, practically burned with rage. His handsome features contorted in a savage snarl and all he knew was that he had to stop them from hurting his sister. His hands were tied at the wrist but that wouldn't stop him. He bared down and slammed his shoulder into Tolvahs side knocking him over a small table, then rounded on Sartak raising both hands above his head. He brought his bound hands down with everything he could muster on Sartaks back. Sartak faltered and released his grip on Shepard who crumpled to the floor in a heap. Bradley managed to land a heavy kick to Sartaks outstretched leg, causing it to break just below the knee, before Tolvah gathered his senses and pistol whipped him savagely. He stumbled backwards but managed to remain upright, regaining his balance he spun towards Tolvah. _

_The shot was so loud it made Shepard jump, her head jerked up in time to see Bradley stumble backwards and crash to the floor holding his side, his eyes wide and mouth agape. Everything went quiet, the only sound was Bradley's rasping breaths, then after a beat the blood began to spill out from between his clutching fingers. _

_Ella was the first to snap out of the shocked silence, she let out a pained howl and ran to her brothers side, placing her hands over the top of his in an effort to staunch the flow of blood, her eyes wide with terror. Charles struggled harder against his restraint, tears starting to spill down his cheeks and a pained growl issued from deep in the back of his throat. All he kept thinking was that he was meant to protect his family, that was his job. He had let his wife die, his youngest daughter be beaten and tortured and now his first born and only son was dying feet away from him and he was powerless to stop it. No matter how hard he fought he was unable to free himself. His world, __**all**__ their worlds were being ripped apart and all they could do was watch. _

_Shepard started to crawl to her brother's side but was cruelly pulled back up onto her knees by Tolvah. He angled her face towards her brother._

"_Watch!" He growled in her ear, holding her face so firmly she could taste blood in her mouth from where his vice like grip pressed her teeth into the inside of her cheek._

_Bradley lay on the floor, shaking violently, covered in a glistening sheen of sweat and deathly pale. His eyes began to fluttering shut and Shepard watched helpless as her brother drew in his last ragged breath and passed away. _

_Ella continued to keep her hands pressed on top of his, she gently rocked her brother and whispered his name, but he couldn't answer her. She dipped her head, laying it gently on his shoulder and began to weep uncontrollably._


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** Just two more chapters left after this one. Once again thanks so much for the reviews, follows, favourites and messages.

This story has been a heavy one and took a lot out of me, so to hear positive things back is really rewarding.

I promise the next one will be much lighter!

* * *

Chapter Eight

_**~Anger~**_

_Shepard felt like bits of her soul were being ripped from her and crushed before her eyes. Her chest actually ached like she had been shot herself. _

"_Are you ready to flare now?" Tolvah hissed into her ear. Shepard hung her head, her tears dripped onto the floor at her knees._

"_Still not enough motivation? My, my you are a challenging animal, but I'm sure I can think of something that will crack you" he turned to Sartak and gestured towards Ella and Bradley. Sartak slunk across the room with menace oozing out of every pore. He Kicked Ella away from Bradley and she collided with the couch. With shaking arms she pulled herself up to her knees and turned as Sartak rounded on her raising his gun so it came to rest between her eyes. _

"_Oh god no... please no... please don't kill me... oh god please... PLEASE" tears tumbled from her wide terrified eyes as her breath started to come in panicked gasps. He glanced back at Tolvah who bent again to Shepards ear._

"_This is the last time I'm going to ask. FLARE!" he snarled._

_Shepard sobbed loudly "I don't know how." She repeated in an uneven whisper._

_Tolvah nodded to Sartak who grinned at her with malevolent glee, before returning his gaze to Ella and pulling the trigger. Her head snapped back, her eyes glazed over and she fell to the floor, a faint wisp of smoke issuing from the small hole in her forehead. Just like that her sister was gone. All that she was and all that she would ever grow to be, her vibrant personality, her dreams of travelling and seeing new planets, her hopes of falling in love and starting a family of her own, were all wiped out in a split second of sadistic violence. _

_**Why? WHY? How could they do this? How could they destroy people's lives like this without a second thought or a moment of remorse?**__ She thought, as she felt the anger rising in her. __**These animals were disgusting and depraved and they deserved to suffer**__. _

_The tingle began to build once again deep inside of her but this time she welcomed it gladly, knowing how it would end. She focused on it, fuelled by her anger, intent on building it up and controlling it. She wanted to direct it this time, to control it as best she could so she didn't hurt her father by mistake. She pushed the dark energy down to her arms and was momentarily startled when bright blue sparks began to dance across her pale blood stained skin. She continued to mentally will the dark energy down to her hands, remembering from the extranet article that biotics use physical mnemonics to generate and control their flares. She had no idea what type of movements were required or what things biotics could even do, but right now she didn't care. She let the dark energy pool in her hands until it became painful and her palms were almost white with the bright blue light. Her entire body glowed with a shocking blue aura and again everything took on a blue tint. She drew her hands back and thrust them forward towards Sartak with all her might releasing the built up charge in one intense burst, a guttural shriek issuing from her with the effort. What came out - she would later come to realise - was a rudimentary biotic throw. The throw hit Sartak dead on, it picked him up like a rag doll and catapulted him backwards with such force he was thrown clean through the wall of the Shepards home, killing him instantly. His broken body came to rest in an unnatural heap some 20 feet across the yard. _

_xxx_

On hearing this, Kaidan came to understand something about the woman he loved that he had always been curious about. Every other biotic he had ever met without exception used biotics in their day to day life. Some every five minutes, others every now and then.

There had been more Biotics onboard the SR1 then on any other ship or posting he had served on, granted half of them were aliens, but it was true of even them. He'd witnessed Wrex occasionally using biotics to obtain tools out of his reach in the cargo hold. Liara used her biotics like an extra sense. She slid datapads to within her grasp, moved heavy objects up to retrieve things underneath. She crushed food containers and floated them into the recycling, he'd even seen her absent-mindedly creating tiny singularities as she studied data or mentally processed queries. He himself often used his biotic glow as a kind of torch while working on control panels in dark or confined spaces. All of these were typical day to day activities for the average biotic, but not for Shepard. She almost never used her biotics out of combat situations. He'd only seen it happen a few times and those had all seemed to be accidental. The odd charge zipping between them before they became intimate as the danced close to the edge of the fraternization regs. The strong shock she'd given him when he pressed her into the wall of her cabin, sliding his hand up inside her shirt to feel her bare breast, that night before Ilos. The chair she smashed into the wall during the fierce argument they had in the Alliance hospital in London. She had decided she was fine despite the doctor's protestations and gone for a 'walk', only to pass out near the top of a flight of stairs and had almost broken her own neck in the resulting fall.

He used to think that maybe she was ashamed of her biotics, didn't want people to know, but her willingness to use them in combat for all to see and the way she openly talked of being a biotic contradicted that. Now, listening to her confide in him about what she had lived through as a child he began to understand it. His own introduction to his biotics – as with most biotics - had been so very different, he was thrilled when he realised he could move objects by will alone. It was only years later after BAaT and the incident with Vyrnnus that his love of his gift was tarnished. Her first biotic acts had been of unbelievable destruction and death fuelled by grief, anger and fear. In her mind, her biotics were just another weapon to be used, like her Assault Rifle or her pistol. She wouldn't use those in every day situations so why would she use her biotics. He made a conscious decision to try and encourage her to re-evaluate the way she looked at her biotics, to help her change her perspective. He wanted her to see them as a gift, they could be used for everyday life, even fun, not just as a weapon.

_xxx_

_Shepard stood staring at the hole in the wall for a few seconds, shaking all over and huffing out quivering breaths. That had worked better than she hoped. She tore her eyes away from the damage she'd done and was surprised to see her Father and his captor gaping at her with the same expression, one of shock and fear. Seeing that look on her fathers face made her feel instantly ashamed and even a little regretful. He normally looked at her with such unconditional love and affection, seeing his current expression was such a harsh contrast. She was snapped out of her thoughts by Tolvahs grumbling laughter at her back._

"_We'll be taking this one!" He chuckled "A biotic of her strength? She'll be worth her weight in credits. Grab a control device and let's get this done."_

_The Batarian grabbed a device and turned to advance on her. She panicked as she thought about the pain she'd gone through in the yard, there was no way she wanted to go through that again. She reached down again to try and tap into the anger she felt, wanting to trigger her biotics again and was relieved to find that it worked. Again she let the dark energy build in her hand in a matter of seconds, and again pulled her arm back and thrust it forward with everything she had. The blue light connected with the Batarian, lifted him into the air and brought him slamming back to the ground with unbelievable force. The sound as he connected with the floor was distressing. It was the sound of multiple bones breaking and the odd rip or puncture of his flesh, the loudest sound being the snap of his neck as he landed wrong. Shepard felt exhausted, her vision was spotting and her head was pounding. She could feel the sweat on her upper lip and brow from the massive exertion of wielding her untrained biotics. _

_Tolvah was no longer laughing, it was two against one and her biotics were alarmingly strong for someone who had just manifested the gift. He grasped hold of her quickly and pinned her arms to her side. He could feel her weak body shaking and struggling to support its own weight, so he shoved her forcefully to the floor dismissing her as no longer being the main threat, he wanted to even the odds. _

_Charles was up off the floor in a heartbeat and charging across the room. He was so fast that Tolvah only just managed to raise his gun and pull the trigger. Ideally he would have gone for a clean quick head shot but the human was so fast, blatantly fuelled by the pain of witnessing the slaughter of his family, so he had no choice but to shoot him in the stomach. _

_Charles fell backwards as the round tore through his abdomen and exited out of his lower back, he hit the floor hard. At first he thought he had been punched, his stomach felt strangely numb. He reached his hands across to cradle himself and felt warm wetness. He looked down and saw the blood soaking his shirt and on his glistening on his fingers, he momentarily forgot to breath. He glanced back up at Tolvah with wide startled eyes and the Batarian slowly advanced on him with an unaffected expression._

"_Don't hurt her." He pleaded weakly. _

_Tolvahs face remained neutral, he raised the pistol and aimed at Charles' head. _

_This was it, he had lost everything but his baby daughter, and now he was going to die and leave her to these murders. He had failed her. He scrunched his eyes closed and embraced the inevitable. The shot sounded thunderous, Charles jumped and his eyes snapped open. He was confused, he didn't feel another shot. Maybe he was numb. Maybe he was already dead. But no, the pain in his stomach was real and intense, he had to be alive. He looked up at Tolvah. The Batarian had a startled expression and was looking at a point behind Charles to the left, disbelievingly. There was a small dark red dot in the centre of his forehead. A bead of blood snaked its way from the dot, down the Batarians nose and he fell to the ground dead. _


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

_**~Goodbye Titch~**_

_Charles shifted to look behind him and was startled to see Shepard stood stock still, side onto him, her legs in a bracing stance with her arm raised gripping a smoking pistol. Her breath was laboured and her limbs shook noticeably. She was frozen in place, unable to will herself to move a muscle._

"_Mandy?" She didn't react, she was vapour locked. "Mandy? He's dead Angel, you can put the gun down." _

_He drew in a deep breath and coughed violently, sending a wave of pain shooting through his abdomen. Still she didn't move, didn't even blink as the hot tears spilled from her eyes. _

"_Titch?" he called gently, using the pet name he'd used since her birth. She blinked a few times and seemed to steel herself. She looked down at the pistol in her trembling hands, frowning she dropped it to the floor with a clatter and turned to her father laying on the floor. She stumbled weakly to the com terminal across the room to call for help, only to find the coms were down, blocked it seemed._

"_It's not working!" She frantically hit the buttons trying to establish a connection, only to receive the hiss and click of static. Abandoning the terminal she moved to her fathers side, pausing to grab Ella's sweater that had been cast off earlier that morning and left on the arm of the sofa..._**Ella**_. She glanced down at the sweater and across to her sisters body, she couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from her, lying still and pale next to her brother._

"_Titch." Once again Charles' voice brought her back to the here and now. She blinked and knelt down at his side, pressing the wadded jumper onto his stomach, he winced._

"_I'm gonna go and find help" she frowned looking down at the rapidly pooling blood by her fathers side._

"_No! Its not safe." Charles grabbed her wrist, holding her fast and as if in answer to his statement a loud explosion and weapon fire echoes in the distance, followed by screams of terror and pain. She glanced longingly at the door, wanting to find someone to help her, she didn't know what to do. Charles slide his hand down her wrist and laced his fingers with hers, pulling her attention back to him._

"_Don't go Titch, please don't leave me." his eyes pleaded with her to stay, knowing there was little hope for survival now, but not wanting to die alone. _

_She was torn, wanting to run shouting for help, but deep down she knew just as he did that nobody out there was going to help. Nobody out there _**could**_ help. She closed her eyes and heaved a heavy sigh, sliding herself behind him so he could rest back on her knees. His grip tightened on her hand, bringing it down to rest under his chin and planted a soft kiss on her knuckles. _

"_I remember how titchy you were when you were born. Your tiny hand barely reached around my finger, but you had a ferocious grip. When the nurse set you down on the side to clean you up, she turned around to tell us how beautiful you were and when she turned back she yelped. You had hold of the scissors she left beside you after cutting the cord." He chuckled and winced immediately as the pain flared in his stomach making his head spin. She gripped his hand tighter and wrapped her free arm around his shoulder._

"_Shhhhhh, you don't have to talk Dad." _

"_I want to, I love talking to you Titch... I always have." She swallowed, trying desperately to blink away the tears forming. She wanted to be strong for him._

"_Me too Dad, but I don't like playing Skillian Five with you." She said attempting to distract him. He glanced up at her attempting a wounded look. "Don't look at me like that, you know you cheat!" He chuckled and smirked at her. "See, I _**knew**_ it! You always make out like its luck but there's no way you're _**that**_ lucky. Oooh I can't believe you Dad." She scowled at him but couldn't suppress a laugh at his cheeky smile. He rested her hand against his cheek._

"_You know what else I love?" he whispered his eyes filled with nostalgia and affection. "Our crazy road trips."A big grin cracked across her face as she recalled jumping into one of their battered second-hand farm vehicles. She'd point in a random direction and they'd head that way until she decided on a new course._

"_And reading stories with you when you were little. Do you remember the first one... we read together?" _

_She drifted back to her childhood, sat snuggled in her bed, favourite teddy under her arm, while Charles sat next to her. She felt safe and loved, cuddled into his side as he helped her to read from the battered vintage hand-me-down book laid out on her lap. It had been passing through the Shepard family for generations, the gold lettering had worn off of the cover and the spine had been repaired numerous times. It had that old book smell that she would grow to love, as it reminded her of those precious moments with her father. Inside the front cover, each owner had written their name and the date it was passed on. The last name on the list was hers, scrawled in a Childs shaky script._

"_The Wind in the Willows" She answered fondly and he smiled warmly at her._

"_And who was my favourite?" He wanted to make sure she remembered their time together, remembered him._

"_Badger, but I never got that. Toad is just so much more entertaining. Badger's a grump... ahh I see, he's kinda like you." She teased. He erupted into laughter but it was short lived as he was racked by another bout of coughing, a small trickle of blood emerged from the corner of his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain, feeling the world dim a little. _**Not** **yet**_ he thought, _**please**_._

"_Dad!"_

_Her panicked voice seemed so far away, it felt like he was under water, everything was muffled and distorted. He felt her small soft hands shaking him gently, trying to get a response._

"_Please Dad, don't leave me. Come on. Tell me what else you love?" Tears streamed down her face as she clung to him, the last remnant of her idyllic life was slipping through her fingers and there was nothing she could do._

"_The night... we w-watched those... meteors. R-r-remember?" He struggled against the blackness threatening to snatch him away from his baby. Just talking was becoming an effort, he was cold and weak._

"_I remember dad. We all went out to the back field with blankets and cocoa. We stayed out there half the night. It was beautiful. You cuddled mum when she got cold and Bradley spilled his cocoa all over Ella's blanket, god she was so angry with him. I ended up falling asleep down there, you carried me inside and put me to bed." She squeezed his shoulder affectionately._

_He took a few steadying breaths to muster his strength. "W-was I...was I a... good ... father to you?" a violent sob burst from her, her eyes squeezed closed. He clutched her hand firmly as she fought to find her voice._

"_Yes. You were a perfect dad and I love you soooo much! I don't want you to die..." she trailed off as her tears once again took over. He felt his own hot tears running down his cheek and mingling with the ones that dripped from her chin onto his face._

"_Promise me something Titch? Prom-promise me... you'll never g-give up. Promise... you'll fight to stay...alive... to be hap-happy?"_

_She could feel it happening, her heart was shattering. The ache was almost physical it was so intense. _I can't take this, _she thought over and over. _I can't make that promise, I don't want to be alone, I don't want to survive, I don't want to hurt like this.

"_Promise...me!" Charles demanded seeing the refusal in her eyes. She shook her head, avoiding his gaze. "Please...Titch. Pr-promise." She finally met his eyes, red, tear filled and beseeching and knew she had no choice._

"_I promise Dad." He closed his eyes and let out a sign of relief. "I love you daddy." _

_She clung tightly onto him, feeling his rough calloused hand squeeze hers. She looked at his hand in hers and tried to burn the memory into her mind. The feel of his skin, the fact that his hands were so large and radiated so much heat. She watched the slow rise and fall of his chest._

"_I... love you... My little T-Titch. My... baby girl. I am so... proud of you." His breathing was becoming irregular and laboured. "Sing for me... Titch?"_

"_What do you want me to sing?" He paused for a moment then gave her a weak smile._

"_Sing... the song I used to sing... to you." She nodded and cleared her throat,before wiping the increasing amount of blood from the corner of his mouth._

"_If you leap awake in the mirror of a bad dream_

_And for a fraction of a second you can't remember where you are_

_Just open your window and follow your memory upstream_

_To the meadow in the mountain where we counted every falling star"_

_His eyes drifted closed and he sighed at the sound of her silky angelic voice. She sang the song he had sung to her since held her for the first time, sat dappled in the early morning light shining through the colony hospitals window, on the unseasonably warm April morning. Her big blue eyes fixed on his with such intensity, he knew he was going to dote on her helplessly. He felt an immense wave of love and contentment flooding him and he seemed to be drowning in his memories. They flicked by like a flutter of pictures tossed into the air, some just brief glimpses, others in glorious high definition, so intense he could smell and taste them and all played out to the sound of Shepards voice._

"_I'm gonna watch you shine, gonna watch you grow_

_Gonna paint a sign_

_So you'll always know_

_As long as one and one is two_

_There could never be a father_

_Who loved his daughter more than I love you"_

_She finished the song and looked down at her father who lay still in her lap, a peaceful smile on his face. _

_She watched his chest intently, it didn't move. _

_She slowly placed her fingers on his neck over his pulse point, concentrating intently on her finger tips, waiting for the slightest flutter, but nothing. _

_She raised her hand to his mouth and held it just above his parted lips, wanting to feel the gentle tickle of his breath, but everything was still. _

_He had slipped away._

* * *

**AN:** The song Shepard sings is Paul Simon's 'Father and Daughter'. My dad used to love Paul Simon so this was a perfect choice for me.

This Chapter is dedicated to him as most of the little moments are actually my memories of him. And yes dad, you were perfect!


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:** Ok so here it is... the last chapter.

Thank you all so much for reading my story and for the kind words, advice, follows and favourites.

JadeStar - I have already promised people smut and fluff coming very soon to make up for the darkness and heavy emotion of this story, so stay tuned. :0)

Special thanks to purpleorchidblues, she's the person who talked me into writing this in the first place, love you dude!

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Ten

_**~Saved~**_

_The grief washed over her like a tidal wave and she howled at the ceiling. Her hands flying up to cover her eyes as her breath came in short, sharp gasps. _

**This can't be real, this just can't be real.**_ Only two hours ago she was stretched out on a blanket, letting the early afternoon sun warm her soft skin. She was happy and contented, not a care in the world. The biggest drama she had was what to wear for school in the morning, and the usual jitters over her upcoming performance at the Annual May Ball in a weeks time. Now just hours later she had no family, no boyfriend and her friends were likely to have suffered a similar fate to her family. She slid her hands down her face, smearing her tears across her bloodstained cheeks and clasped them over her chest as she continued to gaze at the ceiling, unwilling to look down at the figure rested in her lap. She slammed her eyes shut and prayed for it to be a dream, she wanted to wake up by the stream, music playing softly in her ears and Klarke lying beside her, but in her heart she knew that would never happen. _

_Every single part of her hurt and she was pale and weak due to the amount of blood she had lost. It felt like there was a slab of stone in her chest, heavy, cold and hard. She was breathing so hard and fast it started to make her lightheaded. She forced herself to take a few deep breaths and try to calm herself down._

_The scream in the distance were starting to die down now and the relentless gun fire was more sporadic. She longed for one of the raiders to find her, end her life so she could join her family, but they didn't come, nobody came._

_After a while she managed to get her breathing under control. Stealing herself she reached for her fathers head and gently lifted him off of her lap. Sliding her legs out from under him, she softly laid him down on the floor, bent down and ghosted a kiss on his still warm forehead_

"_Goodbye dad." She whispered into his ear. _

_What was she going to do now? She was alone for the first time in her life, utterly alone. How was she going to do this by herself? What was the point in anything anymore, there was nothing worth living for, everything she loved was gone._

_Shepard looked around the room at the bodies of her family, and the bastards who had stolen them. She felt so utterly lost. The home she had known all her life now seemed foreign and strange to her, as if it had been transformed, warped by the violence and horror that had taken place there. She desperately wanted familiarity, something comforting to hang on to. She lifted her fathers arm off his chest and rested it on the floor. Ignoring the pooled blood, she lay down next to him and curled herself into his side, as she hand done innumerable times before in her life. Shepard rested her head against his upper arm, closed her eyes and buried her face into his shirt. She breathed in the familiar woodsy spice scent of him, and lost her battle with consciousness._

"And that's where the Alliance found me, three days later." Shepards voice was little more than a whisper by this point.

"Three days? What the hell took them so long?" he planted a soft kiss on the top of her head and nestled his nose in to her hair.

"They did their best. The Alliance sent in ground forces, several squads in fact. The Batarians had dug in, in the centre of town. Three units were sent in and they tried to drive them out, but their position was too well defended. A lot of marines died in the first attack. Those who survived were pinned down close enough to see what was happening to the colonists but not able to do anything. They had to wait for reinforcements to arrive. A lot of the marines in the initial assault suffered from PTSD after what they saw." She sighed deeply.

"In a way it's thanks to the assault in town that I'm still here. If they hadn't had to defend their position, I probably would have been found and ended up like that girl on the Citadel, Talitha. There's no way I could have fought them off in the state I was in. They'd have put in the control device and I'd have been a slave." There was a long pause as they both thought about what their lives would have been like if that had happened. In all likelihood they would never have even met, and that thought was painful to them both.

"Those three days must have been hell while you waited." Kaidan whispered into her hair.

"To be honest, I don't remember much about them. I was pretty out of it, blood loss, malnutrition, dehydration. When the Alliance made it to our farm sweeping for survivors, I was pretty much at deaths door. At first the initial team thought I _was_ dead until their omni-tools picked up my heart beat. They sent in a medical team who tried to lift me away from my dad, but even in that state I wouldn't let go. I screamed as they tried to drag me off him, then one of the marines told them to stand down and ordered them out of the house. He came to sit by me, told me his name was David, asked what mine was but I didn't answer, in fact I didn't talk at all for months after the raid. Anyway David sat next to me, he didn't rush me. Eventually he reached out and held my hand. After a while – I don't know how long – he lay down behind me, put his arm round my shoulder and hugged me. I let go of Dad in the end and let him hold me. He felt safe. He picked me up and carried me to the medical team waiting outside. He sat with me holding my hand while they patched me up and wrapped me in a blanket. When I was released from hospital and sent back to earth to go into a foster home, he kept in touch. Sent me messages, pictures of the places he'd been, things like that."

"He sounds like a damn good soldier, a good man." Kaidan mused running his long fingers through her hair, peppering the top of her head with delicate loving kisses.

"That he was. You know I don't think I ever thanked Anderson for what he did that day."

"It was Anderson who found you?" Kaidan asked surprised. She nodded silently and suddenly the closeness and easy rapport he'd always picked up on between them since the SR1 made sense. He was her Knight in shining armour, he'd become her hero, her mentor, her father figure and her friend.

"He was only a Lieutenant at the time." She smiled warmly. "I don't think I ever told him how much I appreciated him, his compassion and patience. That and the fact he saved me again two years later, getting me into the Alliance when I looked set to be sent to prison."

_Wait, what?_ Kaidan thought to himself. _Shepard went into the Alliance to avoid going to prison? What did she do?_

Just when he thought he knew all there was to know about this woman, she goes and throws him for a loop again. He smiled, this is what he loves about her, she keeps him on his toes and much as he's loath to admit it, he kind of likes the way she keeps him off balance. Every other aspect of his life is so regimented and black and white, loving Shepard is superlative Technicolor by comparison. He smiled to himself as he mets her beautiful eyes, ocean blue to warm rich caramel.

"I'm sure he knew Shepard. And I'm sure he was glad you were with him at the end, it was obvious you were more than just another grunt to him. He always looked at you like a proud father, he told me so himself, once."

She tilted her chin up to meet his soft warm lips in a chaste kiss, before returning her head to his chest. She placed her lips above his heart, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso. It had been painful to talk about the events of that dreadful day where her world was destroyed, but she was glad she had when she looked at Kaidan. His eyes were so full of love and empathy, his body making a silent reassurance that he would both protect and support her always.

She had to let go of the pain in her past and look to the future. A future that now looked as bright and beautiful, as the small diamond ring on the third finger of her left hand. It was a miracle she was even here. She'd almost died on Mindoir, she _did_ die over Alchera and she almost slipped away again on the Citadel and several times more in that broken down London hospital.

People always say 'life is a gift, make the most of it', and that's what she intended to do now the war was over. The Galaxy was supporting itself, no longer resting on her shoulders. The weight was lifted and she was free, but most importantly, she'd had kept her promise. She had fought through hell to live and be happy, and now lying with Kaidan, in their new house, looking at her handsome caring fiancé, she truly was.

Shepard turned to look out the window as the first rays of the early morning sun, were beginning to creep their way into their bedroom.

"I've kept you up most of the night, sorry Kaid." She said with a frown as she rolled over onto her back and made to sit up. Kaidan's big strong arms snatched her around the waist and rolled her back to his side.

"Hey, where you going?" he breathed into her hair, instinctively tightening his grip as she wriggled to free herself. "The wars long over, we're on leave while we get this place into some kind of order" He gestured with a nod of his head to the mountain of boxes scattered around the room. "We can stay right here in our bed as long as we want. So snuggle up baby, and lets go back to sleep." He punctuated his statement with long tender kiss.

"But the suns coming up and we don't have the blinds up yet. I can never sleep when its bright" She protested making a show of her weak attempt to wriggle out of his bear hug again, but he simply pulled her head to snuggle in to his neck, dulling her senses with the sweet musky scent that was all Kaidan.

With a flick of his wrist behind her back and a flash of blue biotic energy, the quilt lifted off their bodies by an inch or two and was slowly pulled up over their heads blotting out the sun.

"TA-DA!" he proclaimed with a self-satisfied grin, which earned him the girlish giggle he so loved to hear coming from her.

"I love you, so much." She whispered into his neck.

He released his vice like grip enough to meet her eyes.

"I love you, till the end of time" He smiled.

"Till the end of time."

_THE END_


End file.
